if I’d always gotten what I wanted I’d be dead by now
in the vision of my death there’s a spotlight
one bulb, two way mirror, ashtray
the detective stands over me
peers at me like a menu in a dim lit room
lifts my lifeless wrist and drops it
it’s her head that went totally wrong they’d say as flies landed in my mouth agape
she made an illusion of a man with a dog’s name
she died gorged on her own reflection
I’ll tell you that the wanter within is always experiencing the hunger
of going without, always crying, always pressing the mirror – saying
I know you’re there on the other side of the glass
this rooster tail of sand picked up by the harsh wheels of my delusion
is what kept your bad love interesting
even dirt can taste good when you’re starving
you know, there’s no hatchet worth burying
I’d rather keep it, my own excalibur, in case it’s needed
there are so few tools that get that sharp
you can draw from a well
you can even drain it dry
but you can’t kill me
Carson Jordan is a poet and the founder of MIND PALACE POETRY, a third space inspired workshop series. She is the inaugural Poet in Residence at the Ruth Stone House in Goshen, Vermont. Her forthcoming full length, DEAD HAND, will be out with Blush Lit Summer 2026. Her work can be found on the internet.
